Post one. I'm terrified.

I've never wanted to talk openly about this type of thing, but something sparked and I thought it might be a good idea. I'm already a member of myfitnesspal, which in a way helps me out a bit in showing me how much I'm failing by eating so fuckin much... but sometimes I'd rather talk about my feelings, and adding foods into an online diary and counting calories sometimes doesn't cut it.
So here I am, writing away like somebody will actually read it. I suppose it's easier than keeping my current written diary. And there's no chance of one of my friends of family going under my bed and finding this. I'm not overly good with computers, or organisation, so each post will probably be a mess of words with no real structure, but it's alright really... It's better than my mind being a mess of words with no real structure, right?
Also, if someone decides to use my blog as some sort of "pro ana", "thinspirational" scenario then go right ahead, I do exactly the same thing. But I ask you PLEASE don't tell me. It would kill me if I knew that I was causing other people the same problems that I'm going through. This is my output, it would be crazy if I knew it was somebody elses input.

Today I got up quite late, I'd been up all night for no real reason, flicking through my tv channels knowing full well nothing was on, texting my boyfriend who works late weekends (sorry that I'm not putting full details, I'd hate someone to find this and know it was me...) and thinking about my exams that I have through next week. I grabbed a straberry nutrigrain bar and ate it, getting that awful feeling after every single bite. I knew I had to eat something because my mum's been funny with me recently. I don't think she'll say anything too bad, but she's hinting. You know what I mean.
I've been doing university work since, keeping my mind off things, but I know the inevitable Sunday roast is on it's way. I've told my mum to steam my chicken and vegetables, and that I'll make mashed potato because the thought of eating potatoes that have roasted in fat from my family's pork is making me feel ill. In fact, I'd better go and make it quick so I don't have to eat anything from 6pm onwards.
Wish me luck.